THE REASON I FIRED MY SECRETARY

Two weeks ago was my 40th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday,' and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning,' let alone any 'Happy Birthday.' I thought, 'Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.' The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, 'Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday.' I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me.'

I said, 'By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.' We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?' I said, 'No, I guess not.' She said, 'Let's go to my apartment.'

After arriving at her apartment she said, 'Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change.' 'Sure,' I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday. And there I sat... on the couch... naked."