О консульствах и их автоответчиках

Top five topic options on the Canadian consulate's voicemail:

[1] Meeting singleton Mounties
[2] Maple syrup
[3] Pop singers it's popular to hate
[4] Coaxing a live operator to say "about" or "progress"
[5] "I don't like my government today, so can I plz live in your country?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Top five topic options on the French consulate's voicemail:

"To comment on restaurant service during your visit to Paris, press 1."

"To ask if Euro Disney is 'in English', press 2."

"For a list of reasons we like Jerry Lewis movies, press 3."

"To demand the name of 'our' fries be changed, press 4."

"For a list of French cities that are not Paris, press 5."

~ ~ ~ ~

Top five topic options on the Austrian consulate's voicemail:

"To ask about hiring a gondolier in Vienna, press 1."

"For the weather forecast today in Sydney, press 2."

"To ask if the national url is 'dot au' because we are an alternate universe, press 3."

"To inquire about scheduling a wedding in 'that Sound of Music church', press 4."

"To complain that we are too far from 'the rest of Europe', press 5."

~ ~ ~ ~

Top five topic options on the Italian consulate's voicemail:

"To thank us for Sophia Loren, press 1."

"For prank calls asking 'Is the tower still leaning?', press 2."

"To find which public transportation unions are not on strike, press 3."

"For a list of opera houses that are not closed due to a union strike, press 4."

"To make us an offer we cannot refuse, please call the Sicilian Consulate."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Top five topic options on the German consulate's voicemail:

"To ask about our 'vays of making you talk', press 1."

"To complain about Oktoberfest being held in September, press 2."

"For prank calls about ausfahrt and einfahrt road signs, press 3."

"If you're inebriated and need to sing Lili Marlene, press 4."

"For comments regarding Arnold Schwarzenegger, please call the Austrian consulate."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Top five topic options on the Belgian consulate's voicemail:

"To compliment our waffles, press 1."

"To ask why we speak French and not Belgian, press 2."

"To confirm that we are 'that little bit sticking out between France and Holland', press 3."

"To ask why the Battle of the Bulge was fought on national park land, press 4."

"To ask if we still own the Congo, press 5."